Svenska Dagbladet published an article  in the ”Idag” series today about divorce and the effect is has on children. A recently published PhD report suggests that there is no difference in well-being between adults whose parents got divorced while they were a child and adults whose parents did not get divorced. The divorce in itself would not be causing damage to children. The reason that some adults were experiencing difficulties was that there was not enough clarity and communication around the divorce, or not enough time to mourn about the separation before a new partner came into the home.

I understand that it is important for people to know how to get through difficult times and how to behave towards and talk to their children. But what made me very sad is the fact that this research was presented in a way that was basically communicating: “It is no problem to get divorced; this will not affect your children in the long run. Just make sure you do it ´the right way´.”

So how did we get to this point where divorce is presented as an event void of any consequences? I don´t want to be naive to the reality that 55% of all marriages in Sweden do end up in a divorce (the highest rate in the world). And I personally know people that struggle with hurting and unhealthy marriages. But how could we ever take the consequences so lightly? Why are we desperately trying to believe that it is not all that bad?

Can we assume that this research is presenting an objective truth? How can scientific methods of research really tell us how people are doing? Somehow, I believe that brokenness and pain are hidden in places where no clever psychological method can find them. I believe that events like a divorce have a profound effect on children. Can we really make a ´three-step-plan´ for successful divorces with no harm done to the children?

Can we not go one step back in the whole discussion? May I suggest a rather opposite way of thinking? One that I heard in a sermon by one of the pastors in New Life Church about a year ago… “What your children need to see, is that you give your life for your spouse and that your family is worth everything. Fight the good fight! That way, you open up the way for Jesus´ love to work in and through you.”

Let us discuss how we can support one another to fight the good fight. Let us not tell ourselves that there are no effects to divorce. Let us believe that forgiveness can create a way. Let us keep hope that miracles do happen.

That´s the way I see it.

Hanna Zuring Peterson